Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
