You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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