my phone needs a breathalizer
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
