Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
