Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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