I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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