You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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