I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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