I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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