Quick, to the slutcave!
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
