Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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