i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize