porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
