My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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