i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
