im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I checked into jail on foursquare
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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