none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Randomize
