Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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