garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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