The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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