So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize