Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
where does the pee come out of this thing
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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