sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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