Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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