Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
