Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
