when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
