mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Your penis caused this!
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