Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
How does one acquire holy water?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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