ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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