you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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