Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
