Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize