you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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