I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
