i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
