We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize