woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I wanna passion pit in your ass
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Randomize
