I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
