you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
