"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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