we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
