hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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