Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
