I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
and you fell through a lawn chair
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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