They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize