We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
