First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
