i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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