I heard we made out
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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