she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I am naked and annoyed.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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