i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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