my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
