just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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