If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
