So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
