ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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