i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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