i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
