I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
