Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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