I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
