I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
The best revenge is premature balding
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
