I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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