You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
