Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
