some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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